We all have a type.. Someone we’re attracted to like moths to flame.. Someone who makes your heart skip a beat and butterflies in your stomach. It seems so right but really.. all it means is they have features you’re attracted to, pheromones that make you want to have sex with them, and characteristics and mannerisms that remind you of people in your past that have had a positive effect on your life.

We’re attracted to people for numerous reasons. Some people are depressed and anxious and seek out relationships that will help them maintain their feelings of misery. Others are simply going off of primal instincts and think they’re being guided by some kind of guardian angel but really we’re just gravitating toward people with genes that would be compatible with our own to make the best possible offspring.

So, what does that all mean? Is there a way to avoid spending 6 months with someone on a oxytocin high only to discover you can’t actually stand them? How can we override our primal urges and negative patterns to find someone who actually is good for us? It requires using your brain and becoming more self aware. Follow these 5 steps and break the pattern!

1. You need someone who is on the same page. I’m continuously amazed by how many people get married only to realize one person wants kids and the other doesn’t. Think about your deal breakers. If something is important to you make sure it’s important to them before pursuing anything long term.

2. Find someone you can laugh with. If there is a massive earthquake and you’re stuck in a broom closet for 3 days can you enjoy talking to this person? Can you have good conversations that make time feel as though it’s flying by and can you make each other laugh?

3. Find someone who makes you a priority. You might be one of those people that end up with someone who makes them feel as though they’re not enough or always has one foot out the door. This is usually the case with people that have been neglected in some shape or form or suffer from low self esteem.

4. You need someone who listens to you. If you’re allergic to onions and 1 year later she still makes onion soup for you every Friday because that’s her routine she either wants to kill you or just isn’t that into you.

5. You need someone who let’s you know they’re grateful. They say thank you when you pay for the meal and they do nice things for you simply because they want you to be happy.

We may want passion but we need so much more.. Our ideal mate is someone we’re instantly drawn to who also happens to be on the same page. Happy hunting

Follow and chat live with Erika Jordan on Instagram @erikajordan or on Twitter @Erika4Jordan

Erika Jordan, Certified Love Coach