It’s horseshoe crab f*cking season!

Horseshoe crabs are once again hosting the longest-running beach party the world has ever known. It’s a peculiar mating ritual in which tens of thousands of the arthropods take to beaches — many of them on the East Coast of the United States — and leave millions of fertilized eggs.

Nobody knows the love-making tradition better than Martin Shreibman, a biologist who the paper calls the “foremost expert/voyeur of horseshoe crab sexual behavior.” He can’t wait until springtime, when he counts males latching onto females.

“She rode into the bay with them,” Schreibman told The Brooklyn Paper while watching a freaky three-way. “He’s going to be smoking a cigarette any minute.”

Group sex, Schreibman says, is common among horseshoe crabs. The more males there are attempting to fertilize eggs, the better chance the species has at survival.

Damn. We’re missing out!